Welcome one and all to Week one of ‘You Got A Minute Fam?’ the write up with no editor and no Carltons involved!
Week 1 was full of surprises and the biggest surprise of them all was the court ruling granting Ezekiel Elliot the ability to play. Last week I joked about the lawyers in Dez Bryant uniforms but on Sunday they really were out in full force. I for one was happy to see Zeke suit up because there was no way I was going to be surrounded by faces like this for 6 weeks…..
Shout out to Jaylon Smith too for suiting up. There’s no joke here I really thought he would never play again but the folks at OCP just keep building things better and better. You know from the start of Week 1 I dont think anybody had it better than the Dallas Cowboys. The Redskins loss, Zeke got to play, Jaylon got to play and for the first time in a long time NOBODY got arrested. Salute to you fellas!
So the season got off to a crazy start last Thursday when the Kansas City Chiefs obliterated the New England Patriots. I have to say it was very unexpected but the funniest part about any Patriot loss is the fan’s reaction afterwards. You can tell Patriot fans are the most insecure fan base in America. They have more super bowls in the last decade than anybody else, their Quarterback has loss more Super Bowls than some franchises have been to (sorry eagles it’s mandatory to joke you) yet the fans still rush to the defense of their team after a loss. Oh if you didn’t know the last three times the Patriots loss their opener they won the Super Bowl. That’s relevant because it’s clearly not a 40 year old Tom Brady and injured team playing this year. Patriot fans it’s okay to lose a game every now and then I mean the last time the Patriots went 16-0 they um…loss the Super Bowl. I mean hell you even got vindication for that because Tyree was cut soon after this play.
What are the statute of limitations on a super bowl win you want to talk privilege Tyree was cut and Eli has been allowed to suck for the last 5 years. Okay maybe not the last 5 years but the only offense that looked worse than the Giants was probably the Bengals (criticism I’m saving for Week 2). There were so many poor performances offensively it’s hard to do the next segment but let’s give it a shot:
QB of the Week:
Alex Smith, KC – 28/35, 368 yards, 4 touchdowns
RB of the Week:
Kareem Hunt, KC- 17 carries for 148 yards rushing, 5 catches for 98 yards, 1 rushing touchdown, 2 receiving touchdowns, 200k fantasy points
WR of the Week:
Antonio Brown, PIT- 11 catches, 182 yards
* Due to NFL restrictions I can’t post this gif or photo so here is the play that defines why AB is WR of the week*
Defender of the Week:
Andy Dalton, CIN- 4 ints and held the Bengals to 0 points
Now that Week 1 has come and gone remember to update your excuses to “It’s just Week 2” today! Oh, and before I go the Y.G.A.M.F staff would like to remind everyone that this guy was on some people’s top 10 list:
Enjoy Week 2 people and as always if you want something specific in the Newsletter just inbox the crew
Back by unpopular demand it’s You Got A Minute Fam! The write up that was stolen from Cory and brought to life by IBS Yeezus (sure to be overtaken by Spencer). This truly is the most wonderful time of the year. The time when everyone gets mad at you when you can’t see what they see in their team, the time of year when the word hater gets used 100 million times, bills fans hump and fight each other in the parking lot, men show their true sexual preferences by stating the would never date a rival fan, bets are reneged and collected, and reality is blurred by DFS. Yes, football is in the air so lets get to this 2017 preview:
Patriots win the Super Bowl. The End…..
No no no I’m joking. In all honesty New England fans should be appreciative of the Dallas Cowboys right now, especially Ezekiel Elliot. This might be the first Superbowl that they won and nobody is accusing them of having cheated because every week the Gotcha! paper comes out with a new Dallas Cowboy on the cover. I won’t ruin all the fun with explaining why this dude can not pass go and can not collect 200 dollars for 6 games, but I find it funny that for every 1 cowboy fan saying his absence isn’t that big of a deal there are at least 5 cowboy fans looking to cop a plea for Ezekiel. Not everything about this Dallas off season has been a waste though word on the street is that after Law and Order finishes the Menedez Brothers show they are working on a Hard Knocks Law and Order featuring America’s Team! Be on the look out this season for all law experts, they will be wearing Dez Bryant jerseys.
Here at Y.G.A.M.F we are always looking for new and creative ways to entertain. So this year we are giving out weekly awards and what better week to start than this week. Our biggest loser award affectionately named after the New York Jets goes to none other than Jason Whitlock of FS1. There are a million and one things to talk about during the NFL season which officially starts when players report to camp. Somehow the only thing this guy still has to talk about is Colin Kaepernick. It’s become to the point that he might be obsessed with him. You can google his name and 90% of Whitlock references include Colin Kaepernick. The worse of it all was Tuesday when he had Christopher Reid, aka Kid from Kid n Play, dress up like Kapernick and pose with a black power fist. The tweet from Whitlock was mistaken by many as a white man and of course outrage followed. Reid’s father is Jamaican and his mother is Irish so this apparently makes it okay for Whitlock to mock Kaepernick. Here at Y.G.A.M.F we try not to do soap boxes. We also embrace different aspects of humor even at the expense of some people. But if you sink to the level of creating fake outrage for attention: it’s pathetic. You’re as bad as Hackenburg hype news, you look like Darrell Revis trying to guard A.J. Green last year, it’s almost like Whitlock is trying to tank with the culture. So give it up for this weeks New York Jet : Jason Milk Dud Head Whitlock.
The next award goes to the most injured team in all of football: The Baltimore Ravens. “Few teams can match the injury setbacks suffered so far by this club. A back ailment has prevented Joe Flacco from practicing throughout training camp, though coach John Harbaugh insists his quarterback will be ready for Week 1. Wide receiver Breshad Perriman has been sidelined with a hamstring injury, while three other contributors — running back Kenneth Dixon, linebacker Albert McClellan and rookie offensive guard Nico Siragusa — are all out for the year, with tight end Crockett Gillmore likely finished for 2017, too. Already thin at several positions, the Ravens can’t afford many more hits.”- USA Today Give it up for the PUP:
The last award goes to the Washington Redskins fanbase. How many times must you people do this to yourselves? Every single year you are the most ambitious fan base and every single year you guys walk the Trail of Tears. Okay maybe that was a little insensitive, what am I saying we’re talking about a team called the Redskins. This year replacing the ghost of RGIII past is Terrell Pryor. You might know Terrell Pryor as the Ohio State superstar who couldn’t quite crack it at Quarterback and then became the #1 WR option for the Cleveland Browns. Now he’s on the verge of being a top 10 WR. It’s the perfect match for the Redskins because nobody holds out hope quite like the team from D.C. who play in Maryland. Give it up for the first ever “Fake News” award winner:
I know I had promised a fight build up for Thurman v Garcia but this thing called “real life” just keeps getting in the way of my hoop dream of being a sports scholar. So since I couldn’t give you the pre fight love I suppose the next best thing is post fight.
“First off I want to thank Al Haymon and God because with out them this wouldn’t have been possible”
Seriously, you’d be hard pressed to find any real boxing fan who was optimistic about PBC and the direction it was taking boxing when it first started out. PBC strong armed Oscar De La Hoya and Golden Boy for pretty much every elite boxer not signed to Top Rank. And the way it started out it just seemed like a gimmick. 10 out of 10 in production, 2 out of 10 in fight quality. The matchups were there, I mean they’ve always been there, but nobody seemed willing to really take a chance. The business that is boxing in the post Tyson era has always been about maximizing rewards and minimizing risk. You can blame Floyd for that if you like (I would disagree to some extent), or you could blame the fans. If fans stopped watching or paying for these inflated pay per views, well they wouldn’t put out such crappy fights. PBC was originally the anti PPV scheme, a company for boxing fans or as some writers used to say “but it’s free” TV. They were the answer to the politics that had become boxing or so we thought. PBC was going to rid us of the 1000 belts,sanctioning bodies, and most importantly promoters that blocked mandatory fights and prevented champions from fighting one another. It took some time but here we are and no matter how much I hate on Al Haymon and the business model it looks like he is getting guys the exposure, giving fans the fights they want to see, and getting people paid.
“People want to see the best fight the best”
The build up for a real championship fight is one of the best feelings in sports as a fan to me. I watch everything from WNBA to horse racing and there is just nothing that compares to fight week. The trash talk , the workout videos, the nostalgia of past accolades and the enthusiasm of other fighters weighing in on the event just makes it something special. Saturday night might not have lived up to the hype of many, I mean it’s almost impossible to please everyone, but I think it was a good show of two young guys still finding themselves as champions. In my analysis below I’ll give you my grades of the fighters pre fight, post fight and my reasoning behind it.
Power- Pre fight: Garcia B+, Thurman A-, Post Fight: Garcia C, Thurman A-
One of the many complaints coming in of the Garcia detractors was that he hadn’t had a KO in a while nor had he hurt anybody during his brief stint at 147 pounds. Thurman’s power is respected across the board by many and looking back on Saturday’s fight it was very clear he was the stronger fighter. He hurt Garcia multiple times almost knocking him down in the first round. I still have reservations about his KO prowess but that’s no knock on his punching power. When Garcia did land flush punches we hardly saw Thurman retreat. There were plenty of straight right hands, some from the counter, that Garcia hit Thurman with right on the button and nothing. If you want to see the difference look back on the counter hook Garcia was hit with and the counter straight right that Thurman literally walked into. Garcia knees knocked and Thurman blinked.
Speed- Pre fight: Garcia C, Thurman B+ , Post fight: Garcia C, Thurman B+
I’m not going to boost Thurman’s hand speed because Garcia is slower. If you look at it just based off this fight you may be inclined to say that Thurman hand speed is an A or A- but I’m inclined to say that is only because Garcia is a little slower. It might help with the illusion of faster hands if Thurman threw more combinations but speed isn’t really his best attribute it’s like 1B to the 1A of his power. I always joke about the “swift” nickname that Garcia has because frankly his hands are not that fast. He has impeccable timing for a slow hand fighter but not the quickest hands out here.
Chin- Pre fight: Garcia A+, Thurman A, Post fight: Garcia S, Thurman A
My gamers will get a good laugh out the S ranking. S is the grade they give you on fighting games when you surpass A. Garcia took some hard, flush shots to his chin. He had swelling over his left eye most of the fight and punches from Thurman at times literally stopped him in his tracks. He never once hit the canvas…..it was close…but he never went down and for that I have to salute him. Thurman I’m going to keep as an A, I still don’t like the way he responds to body punches and although nothing significantly stopped him or impeded his movement, you could tell he’s still not comfortable with getting hit below his chin.
Intangibles- Pre fight: Garcia A, Thurman B+ Post fight: Garcia B+, Thurman B
This may be the most controversial of grades but hear me out. If there is one knock I have on Keith Thurman it’s the fact that we are constantly bombarded with praise from his trainer and Keith himself about how smart he is in the ring yet I have seen in his last three fights how he doesn’t understand how to control pace or build knockouts. Thurman had Garcia really hurt in the 1st round, I mean he literally had to just string together a good combination and Garcia might have just taken a knee just because but what did Thurman do? He backed off a little, came back head hunting and Garcia survived that round, arguably winning the next round. I’ve always had reservations about Thurman’s ring generalship and if there is one thing that will keep him from achieving divisional domination it will be his lack of the aforementioned attribute.
I dropped Garcia post fight a little as well because there were moments in the fight where he could have capitalized on what Thurman called “cooling down.” Garcia didn’t show much versatility this match either as he was mostly on the defensive side and reluctant to let his hands go. Yes he’s not the fastest and in this match he wasn’t the strongest but you can’t win a fight if you don’t throw punches and Danny has punching ability in both hands but did not display it Saturday night. He was able to time Thurman a little early and it was working with a couple good straight right hands to counter Thurman’s wild swings and some body punches but ultimately he gave up on the strategy.
Corners- Pre fight: Garcia C, Thurman B- Post Fight: Garcia F, Thurman B+
I detest father-son partnerships as trainer and fighter. It’s a great story, it’s always a great story, but unless your father was a former world champion or you are just exceptionally gifted, there is going to come a point in time where you guys hit a wall. Garcia and his father are at that wall and I know he think’s he’s doing what’s best for his son but it’s clear to me that in this rise to 147 his father isn’t going to cut it. Danny Garcia needs a nutritionist and better work out regiment and then he needs corner instruction to make up for the talent gap versus these top 147 pound guys. In short they are in over their heads out there in 147lb championship fights. And the little bit of instruction Angel gave Danny was smart, “keep your left hand up”, ” go to the body”, it’s just clear to me he needs more in depth instruction and pre fight training to get over this hump.
Thurman’s corner is good for Keith. That’s about all I have on that when your guy is in control it’s not much that needs to be said. Thurman was never really in trouble in this fight, their game plan was working from the start and Garcia never made them make any adjustments so it was an easy night for him. Trainer and fighter are in sync in Thurman’s camp and if there was a knock on Thurman’s corner it’s that they encourage quotes like this “I was not giving the fight away,” he (Thurman) said. “ I felt like we had a nice lead, we could cool down. I felt like we were controlling the 3-minute intervals in each and every round.” I’m often reminded of a furious Emmanuel Steward yelling at Wladmir Klitchsko during one of his typical jab fest fights. Wlad was killing the guy per usual and comes back to the corner in like the 8th or 9th round and Emmanuel cursed him out like he was losing. Wlad would come out the next round and brutally knock the guy out. “To win alone is not good enough, you need to win by knockout.”
“116-112 Thurman,115-113 Garcia, 115-113 Thurman”
I would be remiss if I did not point out the constant stain that is bad judging in boxing. There is absolutely no way anybody could have watched that fight and scored it for Garcia, especially sitting ringside. These type of things need to be nipped in the butt immediately especially with the potential great matchups for the future in the sport, there’s just no place for atrocious scorecards. Garcia did not hurt Thurman the whole fight, did not outwork Thurman but a few rounds in punch output and landing so how could he have possibly been awarded the fight on a scorecard?
“Somebody’s 0 had to go”
So where do they go from here? Thurman has two belts , Garcia has none now. After a “split” decision there will be calls for a rematch. Of course Garcia’s camp thinks they won, wants a rematch, you know the typical reaction after a loss. Fact of the matter is Garcia loss and it wasn’t really close. He never hurt Thurman and looked out classed at key spots in the fight. All paths lead to a truly unified division. Errol Spence will be fighting Kell Brooks for a belt and Manny Pacquiao is seemingly still actively seeking “tough” fights so if Garcia truly wants a rematch with Thurman he’s going to have to get one of those belts first. It doesn’t make sense for Thurman, a guy openly committed to unifying the division, to fight a guy with no belt. So while it might seem a little bleak this loss doesn’t actually hurt Garcia’s draw he just has to take a step back to get two steps forward again. With the outcome of this fight Thurman is in the driver seat versus the winner of Spence v Brooks. If Spence wins he will definitely pursue a Thurman fight as soon as possible. He’s been the guy looking to fight the top guys so I don’t see it being a big deal with him. Manny is a wildcard as he’s with Top Rank and the relationship between Top Rank, Showtime and PBC is as good as Trump and the media. Either way Manny only has about two years max (I’ve been saying that since the Marquez knockout) left in the sport and the division is still offering up good fights. There’s Khan v Pacquaio being talked about , Berto v Porter, Spence v Brook, Adrian Broner is at 147, Danny Garcia is at 147, Terrence Crawford will soon be moving up to 147, and Jesse Vargas, Lamont Peterson are both capable players in the division. The future is bright for welterweight post Floyd Mayweather and while Thurman is yet to be crowned the undisputed King, he’s taken the first step in the right direction to carve out his legacy and establish himself as The Guy in a very loaded and talented division.
Carr draws a defense this week that is giving up an average of 290 yards and two touchdowns to opposing QBs. With Brandon Flowers and Jason Verrett out today for the Chargers secondary, Carr should have a field day. He is coming off a four TD performance against the 4th ranked Baltimore defense a week ago.
Jordan Howard, RB, Chicago Bears – $7,200
In his first start of his career, Jordan Howard rushed for 111 yards and caught another 21. This week, he remains the starter and goes against an Indianapolis Colts defense that ranks 18th in the league against the run. With better QB play for the second straight week, Howard will be a threat in both phases of the game.
Ryan Matthews, RB, Philadelphia Eagles – $6,300
The first hurdle Matthews had to overcome was staying healthy, and he has done that. With Carson Wentz playing great and having a successful passing game, Matthews has been able to flourish with the run. Detroit is up this Week for the Eagles and Ryan Matthews. Going against a team that is ranked 22nd against the run will bode well for Matthews.
A.J. Green, WR, Cincinnati Bengals – $8,700
Adriel Jeremiah Green has been on fire this year. Take out a sloppy week two because of weather, and Green is averaging 10 receptions, 143 yard, and a TD per game this year. Going up against the 19th ranked team defending the pass in Dallas won’t scare him.
Amari Cooper, WR, Oakland Raiders – $7,200
I went over Derek Carr earlier. He and the Raiders have a favorable matchup against a depleted chargers secondary. Cooper is Carr’s favorite target over the past two years.
Sterling Shepard, WR, New York Giants – $6,900
The Giants have a trio of WRs that can make you pay. The most consistent has been Sterling Shepard. After being targeted 26 times so far this year, Shepard has caught 20 of those passes. With much of the attention on OBJ tonight for the 10th ranked Green Bay secondary, number 87 should put up great numbers.
Delanie Walker, TE, Tennessee Titans – $6,400
Last year there was nobody Marcus Mariota liked to throw to more than Delanie Walker. 41% of Mariota’s completions were to Walker. With Delanie getting his feet wet last week after missing the previous three games, he is primed for a good game against a suspect Miami secondary.
Dan Carpenter, K, Buffalo Bills -$4,600
When it comes to kickers, you want to find one accurate, but also one that plays on a team that can get down the field, but stalls in FG range. Buffalo should be able to move the ball well against the Rams, but a lot of drives will stall close to the end zone. Carpenter should come in and clean that up for three.
Eagles D/ST – $4,600
This Eagles defense, led by Coordinator Jim Schwartz, is only allowing nine points per game. Factor in that they are averaging two turnovers a game and playing a turnover prone QB in Matthew Stafford, and the Eagles should once again play lights out.
With a quarter of the season through, two teams that started in the top five have completely fallen down the rankings, as a few teams who started mid pack or further, have moved into the top 10. Where do they stack up? Let’s find out.
1. Denver Broncos
Paxton Lynch came in and played well for injured Trevor Siemien. As long as Thomas and Sanders are getting the ball and this defense forces turnovers, Denver will continue to win.
2. Minnesota Vikings
The Vikings did a good job shutting down Odell Beckham Jr and the Giants offense. Bradford seems to be a perfect fit for Norv Turners offense.
3. Green Bay Packers
A BYE week and still able to move up in the power rankings? Green Bay has a Sunday Night date with the banged up and “distracted” Giants. Who knew you could draw two BYE weeks in a single season.
4. Philadelphia Eagles
The Eagles had a week off to rest up and prepare for the lowly Lions. Jim Schwartz will have a chip on his shoulder this week going against his former team.
5. Pittsburgh Steelers
The sky was falling in Week 3 as the Steelers got destroyed by the Philadelphia Eagles. A week later and the Steelers are back on top after a 43-14 win over Kansas City.
6. New England Patriots
For the first time in over three decades, the Patriots were shutout. To make it even worse, it was to Rex Ryan and the Buffalo Bills. There’s good news for everybody in Patriot Nation. Tom Brady is back!
7. Seattle Seahawks
Seattle seems to have knocked the rust off and are in a groove now. With a BYE week this week, Russell Wilson will be able to get some much needed rest to heal up.
8. Oakland Raiders
This young team is finding ways to win. If they can continue to stay level headed and work together, this won’t be the highest they go in the rankings.
9. Houston Texans
After being blanked a week ago, Houston put up 27 points against a good defense in the Tennessee Titans. Houston is starting to run away with this division.
10. Baltimore Ravens
Baltimore fought back but it wasn’t enough last week against Oakland. With games against Washington and both New York teams in the next three weeks, Baltimore will get back to winning.
11. Atlanta Falcons
Out of nowhere, the Falcons are exploding on offense, Matt Ryan is protecting the ball, and they have a two game lead on everybody in the NFC South. Didn’t we see this movie last year though?
12. Cincinnati Bengals
The Bengals got relentless pressure on Ryan Tannehill Thursday night. They just have to get better on offense.
13. Dallas Cowboys
They may have been in a tough battle with the downed 49ers, but Dallas got the job done. Dak Prescott has yet to turn the ball over and Ezekiel Elliott has posted yet another 100 yard game. You know that Dallas defense that is supposed to be horrible? Well they have a bend don’t break style and rank 11th in the NFL in points allowed per game.
14. Los Angeles Rams
The Rams are 3-1 and 99% of the world didn’t see that coming. The defense is playing good and Case Keenan is doing just enough.
15. Kansas City Chiefs
One week Kansas City’s defense looks like the best in the league. The next week they look like the worst. With Denver and Oakland winning, the Chiefs are falling behind in the AFC West.
16. Buffalo Bills
You know Rex Ryan partied hard after his defense blanked the Patriots last week. Two straight wins has this team feeling good.
17. Washington Redskins
Another team with two straight wins is the Washington Redskins. The offense seems to be in sync and the running game is coming alive. The true test will be this week against Baltimore this week.
18. Carolina Panthers
Carolina has three losses to teams with a combined 11-1 record. The reality of this is they are 1-3 and fading fast. With games left on the schedule against Oakland, Green Bay, Kansas City, and Atlanta agin, the Panthers need to do some soul searching and get this turned around soon.
19. Arizona Cardinals
Nobody saw this coming from a team that seemed to be loaded both offensively and defensively. A 1-3 start will have Arizona playing catch up with Seattle all season long.
20. New York Giants
Another week of tirades by OBJ and costly turnovers for the New York Giants. In two weeks they have gone from division leaders to basement eaters. McAdoo seems to be losing control of this team so early on in the season.
21. New York Jets
Is it time for a change at QB for the Jets? Ryan Fitzpatrick as thrown nine interceptions in the past two games, and the Jets are struggling to score points. This may be Todd Bowles last season as head coach.
22. New Orleans Saints
A win finally came for the Saints in impressive fashion as Drew Brees came from behind to defeat the San Diego. Chargers. They are clinging to life to stay relevant in the NFC South.
23. Miami Dolphins
The offensive line is horrible in Miami. Ryan Tannehill is horrible in Miami. The defense isn’t what they expected it to be in Miami. Adam Gase is probably wishing he chose another team.
24. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
If Jameis Winston could protect the ball, Tampa Bay could win some games. It’s looking like a long season for the Buccaneers.
25. Jacksonville Jaguars
They still haven’t won in America, but Sunday’s win in London had flashes of what most people thought the Jaguars would look like. Maybe this young team can build on that and get back into the thick of things.
26. Chicago Bears
Brian Hoyer came in and shows the Bears that Jay Cutler is the problem. Chicago got their first win of the season, and with more of those without Cutler, he may be cut after this year.
27. Tennessee Titans
They played the Texans hard but ultimately came up short. Parrish Cox is an absolute liability and Andre Johnson can no longer catch the ball.
28. Detroit Lions
Detroit had many believing in them after week 1. Since then, it’s been all downhill. Once this organization puts an emphasis on the defensive side of the ball is when Detroit can make some noise in this league.
29. Indianapolis Colts
Speaking of putting an emphasis on defense, Indianapolis once again shows us that you can have all the weapons you want on offense, that still won’t win you games. They are allowing 28 points per game. That won’t get it done.
30. San Diego Chargers
The Chargers blew it once again this week. In their three losses this year, San Diego has lost by a combined 11 points. They are in all the games they’ve played, San Diego just has to learn how to close it out.
31. San Francisco 49ers
A huge loss to the defense was sustained last Sunday as LB Navarro Bowman ruptured his Achilles. This 49er team has fight in them, but losing the heart of their defense may be to much to overcome.
32. Cleveland Browns
Cody Kessler is playing well, other than that late interception thrown last week. The Browns running game is thriving as well. If this defense could make some stops, Cleveland could win some games.
There were big jumps this week, and huge falls *cough cough* Arizona. With almost a quarter of the season down, let’s see where the 32 franchises stack up.
1. Denver Broncos
The Defense has been the story this year, but the offense is playing steady. With a quality performance by rookie QB Trevor Siemian, Denver is getting stronger each week.
2. New England Patriots
The Patriots are out of QBs. That hasn’t stopped The Hoodie from winning his first three games. With Brady coming back next week, New England will look to go 4-0 this week against Buffalo before his official return.
3. Minnesota Vikings
This is the best defense in the league. Green Bay was held to 14 points two weeks ago and Cam Newton was unable to give his offense any spark as ten points were all they could muster. No AP doesn’t seem to be slowing down this team.
4. Green Bay Packers
Panic erupted after Green Bay dropped a divisional game to Minnesota two weeks ago. With a dominant performance by Aaron Rodgers against Detroit, the twelve year QB is telling everybody to R-E-L-A-X.
5. Philadelphia Eagles
This may possibly be the best team in the NFL. The offense is averaging 31 ppg as the defense is only giving up nine ppg. With this type of balance on both sides of the ball, Philadelphia is a threat to everybody.
6. Pittsburgh Steelers
I haven’t seen the Steelers play like they did Sunday, since the played the Eagles in 2008. We all know what went on to happen that year though.
7. Seattle Seahawks
Maybe the game against San Francisco is what the team needed. Only one offensive TD was scored in the first two weeks. Seattle exploded for four Sunday afternoon. Russell Wilsons injury may be more than what they are telling us though.
8. Baltimore Ravens
They haven’t won impressively this year. In fact, they’ve won all three games this year by a combined 13 points. The key thing is this team is winning. Can they continue this success and shock the AFC North?
9. Carolina Panthers
They may be 1-2, but the Panthers two losses have come to top three defenses this year. They have all the tools needed for a run.
10. Houston Texans
After starting 2-0, many believed Houston had put it all together. Then they ran into the New England Patriots and put ZERO points on the board. In fact, Houston didn’t get into New England territory until the end of the third quarter.
11. Arizona Cardinals
No words can really describe what is going on in Arizona. A team with so much promise was just blown out by a so-so Buffalo squad. In a division that has Seattle and the up and coming Rams, Arizona needs to get it together soon.
12. Oakland Raiders
Don’t let their defensive performance fool you, Oakland still has major holes. They may have only giving up ten points, but they were gashed in the run game.
13. Kansas City Chiefs
What a performance by the Kansas City defense. Eight turnovers were forced and two defensive TDs were scored. The offense is on existent though.
14. Cincinnati Bengals
Cincinnati is a missed FG away from being 0-3. I said it last week and I’ll say it again, AJ Green can’t do it by himself. With Baltimore and Pittsburgh ahead of the Bengals, Cincy will need to dig deep if they want to stay in contention for the AFC North.
15. Dallas Cowboys
Dak Prescott continues to show his poise and Ezekiel Elliott finally topped his first 100 yard game. This young movement in Dallas has rejuvenated this team.
16. New York Giants
A horrible performance by Eli Manning and the Giants. Manning may have thrown two interceptions, but another three passes should’ve been picked off. Can OBJ contain his emotions this week?
17. Atlanta Falcons
Atlanta has produced each game this year on offense. The Dirty Birds lead the league with 35 ppg scored. The defense though is another story. The name of the game is to outscore your opponent, but it would be great to have some help by your defense.
18. New York Jets
EIGHT TURNOVERS! Six interceptions thrown by Ryan Fitzpatrick. I’ll be the first to admit I thought Fitzy would have a great game against Kansas City after his performance against Buffalo the week before. With no consultancy on either side of the ball, New England can have this division sewn up by Week 10.
19. Washington Redskins
Washington dig themselves a deep hole in the first quarter and a half Sunday against New York. They never gave up though and made plays they had too. Can this be the game that gives the defending NFC East Champions confidence for the rest of the season?
20. Buffalo Bills
This was a team Sunday that seemed to be playing for their coach. Or maybe they were just playing an overrated team. Either way, Buffalo showed this team can put all facets of the game together.
21. Los Angeles Rams
They may have only beating the Buccaneers, but for this young team to travel 3,000 mikes across country and do that is impressive. They now head to Glendale and take on the desperate Cardinals. Is it ok to say this may be a trap game for LA?
22. Miami Dolphins
A check in the win column finally for Adam Gase and the Miami Dolphins. It might’ve been ugly, but a win is a win right? Let’s see if this offense can put up points against Cincinnati Thursday night, like they did Cleveland Sunday.
23. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Tampa Bay has many jumping off of the Band Wagon after dropping two straight. Jameis Winston has to do a better job of protecting the football if he wants to lead this team in the right direction.
24. Indianapolis Colts
Finally, Andrew Luck has his first win in almost a year. In a division with no clear cut favorite, Indy still has a pulse.
25. Detroit Lions
Marvin Jones has been the lone bright spot for this team. The former Cincinnati Bengals WR leads the league in receiving yards by almost 100 over second place, Stefon Diggs. The defense has been ignored for a decade by management and that won’t win you any games.
26. San Diego Chargers
San Diego is kicking themselves after another close loss. The injury bug attacked them for the third straight week as LB Manti Te’o suffered a torn Achilles. If they can go a week without losing a key player, Sam Diego might consider that a win.
27. Tennessee Titans
If the Titans had an offense they could be 3-0 right now. This defense has only giving up three offensive TDs this year. Marcus Mariota has hit the sophomore slump and it’s hurting this team.
28. New Orleans Saints
Drew Brees can’t do it all by himself. The New Orleans defense has giving up 32 points per game this year. Even the most powerful offenses cant keep up with that. Sean Payton may be staying in Louisiana as a coach after this year, but at the college level. LSU?
29. Jacksonville Jaguars
Jacksonville played Baltimore hard the whole game last Sunday. If they want everybody to believe in them, those are games they have to win. Jacksonville looks like the same ole Jaguars.
30. San Francisco 49ers
This is the second straight year the 49ers have fooled me. Last year they started the season off with an impressive win against the Vikings. This year the same thing was done as they shutout the Rams. Now three weeks later and San Francisco are who we through they were. It’s time to put in Kaepernick.
31. Chicago Bears
Another week, another loss for the Chicago Bears. He may only be in his second year, but this might be John Fox’s last year at the help for Chi-Town.
32. Cleveland Browns
This was the second straight week that Cleveland played tough but came up a tad short. Terrell Pryor was a jack of all trades. The Browns will need a little more of that if they want to win some football games this year.
I’d like to welcome you all back to Y.G.A.M.F the week to week column of IBS. Someone read this sh** last week and liked it so much we came back for an encore! Okay, truth be told I’m doing this in the wee hours of the morning and I think once I post it to the site it can’t be removed….so YOLO let’s get to it!
Week 2 is officially “too early to tell” week. So all the positive from Week 1 that you can find can be blown up with one bad week 2. So here are my too early to tell takes that I expect to change or stick around.
1) Carson Wentz is the real deal (Too early to tell)
If you’re not impressed by what Wentz has done in his two starts you probably have no understanding of the complexity of the Quarterback position in the NFL. Wentz poise and knack for making the correct audibles and adjustments at the line this early are impressive, especially when you consider the system he left in North Dakota State (Shoutout to the Wentzes for the big upset this past Saturday). Wentz and the Eagles have a tough game this Sunday versus the Steelers and I fully expect him to “lay an egg” eventually but considering the poise I’ve seen and the fact that his coach has a system that is very QB friendly I think it’s safe to stay positive about Wentz.
2) The Dallas Cowboys should fully invest in Dak Prescott (Too early to tell)
Look I love Tony’s toughness and he’s sacrificed a lot for the ungrateful Cowboys fanbase, however I think it’s time for Cap to let Willy Beaman run the show. The Cowboys don’t really have anything to lose it’s not like they are throwing away a good opportunity regardless of what fans think. I’m thinking from a GM perspective you got a kid that is playing good ball and the team is responding, I say let him continue and grow with experience.
3) The Seattle Seahawks are in trouble (Too early to tell)
Seattle has never been a perfect team, in fact their biggest weakness over the last few years has been their offensive line so it would make sense that back to back weeks versus two talented defensive fronts we would see a weaken Seattle. The fact they they still can’t find a use for Jimmy Graham is disappointing but this is still the perennial NFC contender and they are always battle tested in the NFC West. The fan in me would love to see them lose to the 49ers this weekend but the analyst in me is saying even if they lose you still can’t count them out. It’s plenty of ball left to be played in regards to Wins and Losses.
4)The New England Patriots can win with anybody at quarterback (Too early to tell)
we haven’t seen how they will play when Edelman is running the show….seriously how does this not alarm anybody that they are able to…never mind I’m getting ahead of myself HAIL HYDRA!
5)The Washington Redskins are through (Too early to tell)
Stick a fork in these clowns. Jay Gruden is the new Lane Kiffin and could quite possibly be the most immature NFL coach in the league today. The only thing he got right was picking Kirk Cousins over RG3 and he still managed to mess that up somehow. The Redskins are worse than my 49ers last year as far as organization goes. They still have guys running around like Thurman Thomas, looking for helmets and trying to figure out who’s on what team. I don’t think you can trust a team that has little to no structure and it doesn’t bode well for them that former players are sounding like Cowboy fans…..SEND THEM TO MORDOR (England)!
Best Individual Performances:
QB: Matt Ryan, ATL-76.5% completion, 396 yards and 3 touchdowns…. Sorry Drew, it looks like your stats but the difference here is Matty Ice actually got the win ( Week 2 excuse: “the raiders are the complete opposite of what everyone expected defensively. I’m convinced this is just a marketing ploy so they can play “Return of the Mack” on airwaves again”)
RB: Isaiah Crowell, CLE- 18 rushes 133 yards and 1 touchdown. Sure 85 came on one carry but seriously the Browns deserve something to cheer about and with Gordon, Griffin, Coleman out….Crowell is the default playmaker! (Week 2 excuse: Cleveland natives ” is it basketball season yet?”)
WR: Stefon Diggs, MIN- 9 catches 182 yards, 1 touchdown in the win over the Packers. With stats like this you would think he visited Revis Island or BreeLand but apparently the Packer’s have space for rent in their secondary too. Definitely helps that he has a real QB in Bradford back there now too, word to Bleacher Report (walks in front of traffic after this post) (week 2 excuse: Got to blame Olivia here…every time the Packers struggle it’s most certainly her fault.)
Best Individual Defensive Performances:
DL: Vonn Miller, DEN- 3 sacks, 5 tackles, 2 assisted tackles, 1 forced fumble, 4 QB hits sheesh Vonn is everything the world wants us to believe Mack is. A part of me almost felt bad for Andrew Luck but then I remembered he was already a future Hall of Famer and multiple super bowl winner in the minds of most so he’s fine! ( Week 2 excuse: This is what you get when you ban a man’s footwear NFL!)
LB: Preston Brown, BUF- 16 tackles and 1 forced fumble in a loss that would see people crown Ryan Fitzpatrick as the next best thing in the NFL….not to mention he plays for a team where the coaches weight gets more coverage than staff firings and game outcomes. This is the feel good award of the week here (week 2 excuse: Could have won but Ryan Fitzpatrick is just too damn good)
DB: Patrick Peterson, ARI- We don’t need stats, AB said he was the best so he’s the best
Week 1 came and went and Week 2 provided us with more “too hot to trot” takes left and right so let me give you my top 3 caliente takes of Week 2.
#3 Sam Bradford is the missing piece of the Minnesota Vikings
Nope I’m not making this up for dramatic reactions. I saw this headline on Bleacher Report the minute it was confirmed that Bradford in fact suited up for the vikings….and did not get hurt. In fact it was AP who got hurt in the showdown with the Green Bay Packers. Bradford not only came in to lead his team to victory but he outplayed Aaron Rodgers along the way! Seriously I made that last part up and just looked up the game stats….no comment
#2 The New York Giants are the best team in the NFC East
“Stop it Five” there is no such thing as the best team in the NFC East. If you don’t believe me just ask the fans of NFC East teams. Eagles fans will fight you for talking to them, Giants fans would talk about their Super Bowls over the Patriots, Redskin fans would cry from thoughts of the RG3 failures and Cowboy fans will just tell you that if Romo wasn’t hurt they would own the division (the problem is HE’S ALWAYS HURT PEOPLE). So seriously how the hell are we going to determine a winner out of this mess? I mean if I used Cowboy fan rationale (brace yourself)
If Romo is hurt the cowboys don’t win the division, if romo is healthy the cowboys win the division. So one could say that the fate of the division hinges on the health of Romo, who is a cowboy so by default the cowboys have to be the best team in the division because they determine the winner every year. Okay I just loss 90% of my readers….oh well if it’s not broke don’t fix it right? Right Romo?? Okay, come on Cowboy fans before you get mad and tell me you hate this article or threaten me in my inbox just remember it wasn’t me who stepped on the crack that broke Romo’s back.
#1 Ryan Fitzpatrick is the most underrated QB in the league
Nothing said this week made my blood boil more than this. I saw it all over facebook, twitter, and naturally Bleacher Report. Every time I see a pro Fitzpatrick article or comment I just assume Brandon Marshall is behind it. I mean seriously people this man vouched for Jay Cutler and you’re going to take his word when it comes to Ryan Fitzpatrick? I mean at some point someone should question his eye for talent but …hey who am I to judge? Ryan Fitzpatrick has a degree from Harvard, a multi million dollar athletic career, and still somehow looks like he’s one bad business venture from being “the homeless guy receives a t-shirt” feel good post. All things considered though I’m sure his parents are the proudest people in America right now. Nick and Brandon you did a great job raising this hype job.
Week 2 is in the books, Week 3 is coming fast and I’m already questioning the meaning of Life. Why am I writing this and not trying out to be the backup of the backup to the back up on the Patriots??
Week 2 record: 11-5
ATS Week 2: 7-9
Record to date: 21-11
ATS to date : 16-15-1
Houston Texans @ New England Patriots EVEN
Having a third string QB starting might be too much for the hoodie and the Patriots to overcome. Behind a two TD performance by Deandre Hopkins, Houston will start 3-0.
Outcome: Texans 27 Patriots 20
Arizona Cardinals(-4) @ Buffalo Bills
The Cardinals are out for blood and that was apparent by the 33 point whopping they laid on Tampa Bay a week ago. After his defense gives up 30+ points for the second consecutive week, I wonder who Rex Ryan fires next?
Outcome: Cardinals 31 Bills 17
Oakland Raiders @ Tennessee Titans(-1.5)
Oakland is looking to get back on track after losing to Atlanta last week. Too bad for them they are facing a pretty stout defense. After daring Derek Carr to throw all game, Tennessee will force a few turnovers and be over .500 for the first time in forever.
Outcome: Titans 23 Raiders 16
Cleveland Browns @ Miami Dolphins(-9.5)
Miami has the pieces on defense to succeed. With Cleveland starting a rookie QB this week, watch for the Dolphins to unleash relentless amounts of pressure on Kessler.
Outcome: Dolphins 24 Browns 16
Baltimore Ravens(-1) @ Jacksonville Jaguars
The hype has died down over Jacksonville just two weeks into the season. Lucky for Baltimore, they face a QB that loves to turn the ball over.
Outcome: Ravens 27 Jaguars 17
Detroit Lions @ Green Bay Packers(-7.5)
Last year, it was a Hail Mary thrown by A-Rod that won this game. This year, it won’t have to come to that. After dropping a game to Minnesota last week where Green Bay played horrible, look for McCarthy and company to get back to their winning ways.
Outcome: Packers 34 Lions 20
Denver Broncos @ Cincinnati Bengals(-3.5)
In a battle between two good defenses, field position will be key. A late Andy Dalton interception in Cinncy territory will set up Trevor Siemian and this Broncos offense for a game winning drive.
Outcome: Broncos 17 Bengals 13
Minnesota Vikings @ Carolina Panthers(-7)
Minnesota is on a high after starting 2-0 without their starting QB for two games and their workhorse RB for half a game. That workhorse back is out for several months, so the Vikings hopes rest on the arm of Sam Bradford. With Carolina next on the schedule, reality may set in earlier than expected.
Outcome: Panthers 23 Vikings 10
Washington Redskins @ New York Giants(-4.5)
The matchup between Josh Norman and Odell Beckham Jr. overshadows the actual matchup of the teams. With the Redskins having to worry about Victor Cruz and Sterling Sheppard as well, it will be too much to contain.
Outcome: Giants 27 Redskins 21
Los Angeles Rams @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers(-5.5)
If the Rams defense can play like they did against Seattle every week, they would have many chances to win games this year. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case. Jameis Winston will turn the ball over a couple times this week, but Tampa Bay will come through defensively to catapult them to a win.
Outcome: Buccaneers 21 Rams 10
San Francisco 49ers @ Seattle Seahawks(-9.5)
Only one offensive TD will be scored this game as Blaine Gabbert will turn the ball over a few times, once deep in 49er territory. This game will be ugly, but somebody has to win right?
Outcome: Seahawks 20 49ers 9
New York Jets @ Kansas City Chiefs(-3)
Kansas City’s defense looks nothing like past years. With Ryan Fitzpatrick coming off of a near 400 yard performance, Kansas City will struggle to put out the fire Fitzy is burning.
Outcome: Jets 23 Chiefs 21
San Diego Chargers @ Indianapolis Colts(-3)
After the beatdown San Diego put on Jacksonville, Rivers may feel they have something even if it’s without Keenan Allen. Look for the Carolina native to light up the Colts secondary.
Outcome: Chargers 34 Colts 23
Pittsburgh Steelers(-3.5) @ Philadelphia Eagles
Carson Wentz has showed the poise you want in a young franchise QB. That will be tested this week as Pittsburgh comes to town. Wentz will play a decent game, but the veteran, Big Ben, will lead his team to yet another victory.
Outcome: Steelers 27 Eagles 17
Chicago Bears @ Dallas Cowboys(-7.5)
The Bears are awful. With Jay Cutler out, Dallas’ defense should put in a nice performance. This is the week Dak throws his first TD pass.
Outcome: Cowboys 24 Bears 13
Atlanta Falcons @ New Orleans Saints(-3)
New Orleans has lost their first two games of the season by a combined four points. If they want to have a shot at the division, they need this game against Atlanta. Behind a big performance by Mark Ingram, New Orleans will get it done.
Outcome: Saints 24 Falcons 20
Setup Game of the Week:
Cleveland Browns @ Miami Dolphins(-9.5)
Five Team Parlay
New York Giants(-4.5)
New York Jets(+3)
Philip Rivers – $8,000
David Johnson – $8,400
Tevin Coleman – $6,400
Dez Bryant – $7,900
Jarvis Landry – $7,000
Sterling Shepard – 6,500
Dwayne Allen – $6,100
Matt Prater – $4,600
Panthers D/ST – $5,000
Week Two gave us a lot of action as teams that seemed down like the Vikings and Chargers proved to us they still have a pulse. Where do all 32 teams stack up after Week Two? Let’s find out.
1. Denver Broncos E
Denver hasn’t really lost much at the QB position. Last year Peyton Manning was basically a game manager and that’s exactly what Trevor Siemian is doing. The defense won the game on Sunday. That won’t be the last time I say that this season.
2. New England Patriots E
Jimmy G went out and threw for three TDs on Sunday, then he went out…literally. That didn’t stop Jacoby Brissett from coming in and going an efficient six of nine passing for almost 100 yards. Don’t let the score fool you, the Patriots/Dolphins game wasn’t anywhere near close.
3. Pittsburgh Steelers E
The Steelers defense was a big question mark coming into the 2016 season. Through two weeks, this group has forced four turnovers and allowed just 16 points in each game. Behind an already powerful offense, this recipe could spell trouble for the rest of the league.
4. Arizona Cardinals
Arizona redeemed themselves on Sunday after stomping Tampa Bay by 33 points. That might’ve been the game this defense needed to get back on track.
5. Carolina Panthers
Carolina put up 46 points on a defense that was coming off of a shutout. This offense has only gotten scarier with the return of Kelvin Benjamin (13 receptions, 199 yards, and three TDs on the season)
6. Minnesota Vikings
Teddy Bridgewater and Adrian Peterson are injured, but that didn’t stop Minnesota from beating a rival foe in the Green Bay Packers. Behind Stefan Diggs and this defense, Minnesota is clicking.
7. Green Bay Packers
As said above, Green Bay took an L to the Vikings. Aaron Rodgers is starting to show he is mortal after having more turnovers than he has TDs on Sunday.
8. Houston Texans
The Texans have the pieces to make a lot of noise and they are showing it. This was the second straight week the defense allowed 14 points or less.
AJ Green is the heart of this offense. He was bottled up all game against Pittsburgh, and it was evident Cincinnati couldn’t move the ball. Somebody else has to step up to take the pressure off of AJ and Andy Dalton.
10. Seattle Seahawks
Seattle has looked bad two straight weeks. The offense has only scored one TD. If not for a great defense, Seattle could have a top 10 draft pick this year.
11. New York Jets
After a heart breaking loss in Week 1, New York came out and took care of business in Buffalo. They may want to add some extra “security” on Revis Island as it looks like it is constantly being intruded upon.
12. New York Giants
Two weeks in a row the Giants defense held their opponent to teen points. An even better sign is that they held Drew Brees under 300 yards passing and one TD.
13. Baltimore Ravens
Baltimore looked horrible early on against Cleveland after being down 20-0. They fought back and scored 25 unanswered points to stay undefeated on the season.
14. Oakland Raiders
A big win last week against New Orleans had this team feeling good. That was short lived. They didn’t protect their house well as they let Atlanta travel 3,000 miles across country and beat them in the black hole. Oakland has work to do, especially on defense. Earth to Khalil Mack!
15. Philadelphia Eagles
Jim Schwartz really has this defense looking good. You know who else looks good? That D-II rookie QB by the name of Carson Wentz. The biggest stat for this young QB so far is he has not turned the ball over in a game yet.
16. Kansas City Chiefs
Kansas City didn’t score a single TD Sunday against Houston. If they want to keep up with Denver, points other than field goals have to be scored.
17. Dallas Cowboys
Dak Prescott once again came out cool, calm, and collected Sunday against Washington. He looked like he found a new favorite target in Dez Bryant as well. If these two can get on the same page, coupled by a run game, Dallas looks to be back on track.
18. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
A huge performance by Jameis Winston in Week One had many thinking he would take the league my storm this year. Those thoughts were put to rest after His pathetic performance against Arizona. Winston had a reverse game from last week. He threw four INTs and one TD on Sunday.
19. Atlanta Falcons
Atlanta lost a tough divisional game in Week 1, and asking them to travel from coast to coast seemed like a tall task. Behind Matt Ryans three TDs, Atlanta took care of business and is showing the league this offense can be very scary.
20. San Diego Chargers
San Diego is a play or two away from being 2-0. After giving up a huge lead to Kansas City in Week One, the Chargers made sure they kept the pedal to the metal against Jacksonville. Melvin Gordon is starting to show this team why they used a first round pick on him a year ago.
21. Detroit Lions
Detroit lost to Tennessee Week Two, but they moved up two spots this week because teams that were in front of them look a lot worse. If Stafford can control his turnovers, Detroit can win some games this year.
22. Washington Redskins
No run game for Washington on top of red zone turnovers by Kirk Cousins is what has Washington at 0-2 this season. If the trend holds true for the Redskins not being able to beat a winning team, Washington will be 0-3 after Week Three.
23. Buffalo Bills
The offense scored 31 points on Thursday against the Jets, but were unable to get the win. A few days later, the offensive coordinator, Greg Roman, was fired. If Rex Ryan doesn’t stop using scapegoats and turn this team around, especially the defense, he will be the next coach on this staff to go.
24. New Orleans Saints
For just the third time since 2012, Drew Brees was held to under 300 yards passing and only one TD. The Saints defense stepped up against New York, but not when it counted.
25. Indianapolis Colts
After a heart breaking loss in Week One, Indianapolis faced off against a terrific Denver defense. Andrew Luck was unable to continue his dominance over the Broncos as he turned the ball over twice.
26. Miami Dolphins
Miami has no identity. Their Week One performance seemed promising after almost beating Seattle, but they were brought back down to reality after being spanked by New England. The final score may have been 31-24, but we all know the Miami Dolphins, Ryan Tannehill specifically, are the kings of garbage time stats.
27. Tennessee Titans
Tennessee has only allowed one offensive TD this year and Demarco Murray has given this team a legitimate threat in the backfield. If Marcus Mariota can get in rhythm, Tennessee has a chance to take the AFC South. For now, let’s take it one week at a time.
28. San Francisco 49ers
The game was close for a half, but San Francisco was unable to keep up with Carolina in the end. Like Washington, San Francisco has to get a consistent running game to help out Blaine Gabbert.
29. Los Angeles Rams
I would say this is a big win for Los Angeles, but they seem to have Seattle’s number. This is the fourth win in five games against the Seahawks. Will this be the win to spark this team?
30. Jacksonville Jaguars
Is it a little drastic I dropped Jacksonville nine spots? Maybe, but they will only go as far as Blake Bortles takes them and with his turnover problem, that won’t be far. They made some moves on defense but they look like the same Jaguars we’ve known for years.
31. Chicago Bears
Jay Cutler has to be the worst QB in the NFL. Not only his physical traits as a QB but his mentality as well. I see zero effort from him and he is holding Chicago back.
32. Cleveland Browns
A QB that is the complete opposite of Jay Cutler is Josh McCown. He almost lead Cleveland to win over Baltimore even after being hurt. He wears his emotions on his sleeve and wants to be out on the field fighting with his teammates. Unfortunately it was the same outcome as always for the Browns, a loss.
Welcome all to the first ever “You Got A Minute Fam.” Yes we have unofficially trademarked this troll phrase and are now in the process of marketing it. All the slander minus the Cory Stats….let’s get to it!
Week 1 is the worse time of the year for NFL fans. Nobody ever gets credit the first week, if you have a good performance “it was week 1 you know”, if you have a bad performance “it was week 1 you know”, if you picked Carolina in your Elimination Pool…eh, I guess you can’t really use that excuse there…just blame Goodell!
Best Individual Offensive Performances:
QB: Matthew Stafford, DET- 79.5% completion, 340 yards, 3 touchdowns and minus the greatest Decepticon of all time! (Week 1 excuse: “it was the colts defense”)
Honorable Mention: Drew Brees, NO- 66.7% completion, 423 yards, 4 touchdowns and one L….a common theme for the gunslinger (Week 1 excuse: “dahhhhhh George Bush doesn’t care about black people??”)
RB: Does the league really even use these anymore?
DeAngelo Williams, PIT- 26 rushes, 143 yards, 6 catches and 2 touch downs (Week 1 excuse: it was the Redskins)
WR: A.J Green, CIN- 12 catches, 180 yards, 1 touchdown, An island claimed, my God I didn’t realize his numbers were that good Sunday. No wonder everyone keeps trying to take Revis out back and put him down quietly. (week 1 excuse: none….he didn’t have to do Revis like that man)
Honorable Mention: Antonio Brown, PIT- 8 catches, 126 yards, 2 touchdowns, Breelands Soul, and permanent claim to the space behind the Redskins secondary (week 1 excuse: “it’s nothin to a boss”)
Best Individual Defensive Performances:
DL: Leonard Williams, NYJ- 2.5 sacks and 5 QB hits, 3 tackles and 3 assisted geez slow down big fella, you gonna hurt someone big fella (week 1 excuse: look at him he’s huge…you go block him)
LB: Kwon Alexander, TB- 17 tackles, 15 solo and 1 sack the motor was running full throttle sunday for Kwon (week 1 excuse: dude, nobody cares about the Buccaneers)
DB: Baushaud Breeland, WAS- 7 catches, 110 yards, 2 touchdowns receiving and 1 rushing touchdown, helped power a potent Pittsburgh offense through the air and on the ground (week 1 excuse: none, I hope you don’t expect him to hang his head)
Thank You Wallace ( the three hottest takes segment and in no particular order)
1) Alex Smith is a good quarterback
G**da****……why in the name of tebow do we have to go over this every single year every 2-3 weeks. We get it. Alex can win football games yaay!! He’s the guy in the control room and the chiefs are the scud missles bombing the opposition. Yes, the chiefs came back sunday down by almost two scores, yes he ran in the game winning TD, yes every other QB gets credit for stuff like that but NO he did not lead the chiefs to victory. An act of God saved Peters and the chiefs defense from death by bludgeoning when Keenan Allen went down from a non contact injury. And people say there is no God or He doesn’t have a sense of humor!
2) The NFL doesn’t care about Black QBs
The BQBM movement was in full force after the Thursday night loss to the Broncos because Cam Newton took quite a few shots to the head througout the game not resulting in penalties. Fine’s are coming and the league has reiterated that it is thoroughly invested in the Concussion research and development in concussion prevention and CTE. Couldn’t you tell after they put him back in the game and ran him a lot after the fifth blow to the head. The guy crashed his car and it rolled over and everything he got up, ran through the tunnel and led his team to victory.
3) NFC east reactions (minus philly of course)
Redskins suck, Cowboys suck, Giants are division champs!!! Seriously does anybody in that division have patience besides the Giants? I feel like people finally realized Eli is special (ed) and they are nice to him to make up for all times they wished him dead.
***Honorable Mention for Hot Takes: Week 1 power rankings***
No Slander Just Facts on Jeff Fisher:
In conclusion I just want to remind everyone in America, Jeff Fisher sucks at his job, Jeff Fisher is still employed at his job, when his job gave him an extension Jeff Fisher had recently benched the #1 draft pick and loss by 28 to a division foe and arguably the weakest link not named the Rams. Jeff sucks, don’t be like Jeff Fisher!
****Don’t forget to check out all the content on the http://www.iconoclasticallybombastic.com/ website, Cody Stewart has put a lot of time into his articles so at least take the time to look at them and tell him how much you disagree.